Is it wrong to be eagerly anticipating an ileoscopy?

Several posts ago I mentioned I was having some pain. It lasted 2-3 weeks on-and-off and although it wasn't terrible, it scared me. Shock and surprise, it went away with the arrival of a two-week vacation.

[note to self: prioritize work/life balance.]

I made an appointment with my GI and he suggested that a scope was in order, an ileoscopy. I haven't had an invasive diagnostic procedure since the ostomy surgery; MRIs, ultrasounds and CT Scans don't count. I'm talking prodding. And frankly, the prospect of prodding, invasive procedures excites me.

Given my fear of stoma rape, this might come as a shock. Um, given popular opinion and some might argue sanity, this might come as a shock. Cramming a tube with a camera mounted on the end the wrong way up my digestion tract? And I'm all "bring it on!?" It's true.

Why?

Drugs. It's true, I admit it, I am not ashamed. I am aware. It feels good. Come Tuesday, the dopey euporia I'll experience as white-clothed technicians and my gastro-enterologist float about me like hazy spirits will be the just rewards I crave for the pain I've endured. My on-going self-analysis tells me this is a problematic way of thinking about things. A reward? Like postive-reinforcement for having pain? But then again, my hedonistic nature overrides that impulse and says oh for the love of god just enjoy yourself. So I do.