life with an ostomy. candid, not sugar-coated. empowered, not embarrassed.

Jan. 28, 2010

Terrifying thought

What if you woke up one day, and all the artists and intellectuals you relied on in your life were suddenly gone? Maybe they all died. You don't know. They're just gone. And you're left alone, in a society of corruption, blank stares, total acceptance of the status quo. What do you do?

I've been struck with this thought the last few days. I've found myself in a few situations where it's me that must be relied upon for the critical analysis, the groundbreaking perspective, the bursting forth of creative energy, of colour, of light.... and I have this terrifying fear that I'm not up for the challenge.

That I've spent too long riding along in total reliance of others for their brilliant contributions to life. They make my day. I sit, I take it in. I gain my sense of moral superiority for seeing a bird's eye view of it all, but I haven't been doing the work.

And this sci-fi horror has struck me. What if all the people that have been doing the work are gone?

What do you do? What would I do? What am I going to do?

This horror is too real. I have a responsibility to not ever be in that situation. I've had a good education, been given tonnes of opportunities, and I have to do something meaningful with my life.

Some simple explanations for this idea coming into my mind are the deaths of three people I have admired dying over the last several days: PK Page, Howard Zinn, and JD Salinger. That, and my beau just got on a plane for a long trip, and I am now void of the daily stimulation of hearing his thoughts.

Well, good. It'll do me good. This is the wake up call I need to start taking responsibility for my brain, and my power as a human being.


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