life with an ostomy. candid, not sugar-coated. empowered, not embarrassed.

Nov. 5, 2006

Despite all my failings

My birthday is over. My months (months!?) of neglect of this blog are over, but maybe just temporarily. But will my tendency to beat myself up ever be over?

My flange is about three days overdue for a changing... no wait, probably more. Mid-week at school I stopped in at the school's clinic and got some medical tape to secure the top of the flange which had peeled off dangerous close the edge of disaster. It's still like that, all taped up. Although 10 minutes ago I added another layer of tape, hoping to delay changing my flange til tomorrow - or could I squeeze another day out of it?

So my latest kick is letting go. It's advice from my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/best friend/confidant/pain-in-ass-relationship/I-might-apply-as-many-labels-to-this-as-I-can-since-none-of-them-seem-to-fit-so-maybe-multiple-labels-will-better-define-it.

Of my need to be in control, of my need to judge, of my need to attack myself, second-guess myself, sabotage my success, exhaust my self-esteem by testing it beyond its limits. letting go of my tension, my fear, my need for self-perfection.

so, with that, I am ending this very imperfect blog entry.


Blogger whisky said...


I came accross your blog, and just HAD to comment. I am a fellow ostomate! I have read as much of your blog as I can in a short time (trying to get organised to go deliver my Avon books) and it's truly truly amazing.

Your descriptions, and intelectual words are spot on :)

Is it ok if I link you on my two blogs? One is my general day to day blog where I ramble on about life in general.

The other is where I am "trying" to tell my story, and my experience of Crohn's and the effects it has had on my life both positive and negative.

After reading what I have of your blog it has given me renewed vigour to add some more to gin and tonic :)

Kudos to you. You go girl! You rock!

Hugs a plenty (hugs being my ususal sign off)



9:39 a.m., November 06, 2006

Anonymous Anonymous said...

please write more,. I love your blogg, and I love you:)
Norwegian fan

9:15 a.m., December 16, 2006

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2:08 a.m., December 23, 2006

Blogger Diego said...

"free porno angucken"?!?!? that's great. that's truly great.

letting go is indeed a hard thing, but oh-so-liberating when i do. i just resigned (or, more accurately, refused to renew) a contract in the corporate world, and boy am i ever glad i did. it was only fear that kept me holding on to the supposed security i held in that job.

good to see my pink button up and running again.

9:00 a.m., January 21, 2007

Anonymous Stomagrrl said...

Great blog. Just finished doing 1st-go-round sex ed with my little sister based on your procto-sex story. I'm a fellow ostomate and find your humour and honesty in line with so many of our ilk. You know life is worth it. come on by my blog and hang out sometime, i don't write so much about my ostomy since it's new and I just got my semi-perm colostomy after a 3 month showdown, but i make people laugh and that's worth something, right? (i'm unmarried, just liked the name!)

12:43 a.m., December 31, 2007


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