life with an ostomy. candid, not sugar-coated. empowered, not embarrassed.

Mar 11, 2006

Worth thinking about.

Remember Freud? I wonder if he ever commented on people who had procto-colectomies... or if they were being performed back in his time. I know ostomies were... and that history will make some interesting future posts. (could you imagine someone having a ostomy without a proper bag? people used to use whatever they could find... like rubber gloves taped to their skin)

Freud put so much emphasis on anal fixation, anal pleasure, anal retentiveness, etc. and the relationship between anal shit (so to speak) and the psyche.

My anus was seriously fucked starting at the age of 10. I vaguely remember enjoying anal play and 'exploration' as a kid. I still kind of remember how good it felt. Now, I no longer have an outlet for this kind of pleasure (there is really no shortage of puns to be made here, but I'll try to stop)... anyway, when I think about how my surgery has changed who I am, mentally, this is one of the things that comes to mind.

Sexually, I don't feel all that sorry for myself. Stories from girlfriends about the pain of anal-sex do not make me envious. Then again, there are some pretty exciting stories about anal sex that make me a bit jealous. I still do have some neat sensations in the crack region and truly dig some gentle touching if my partner's down there already. When I play with my partner's anus, I like watching the amount of pleasure it yields, and do kinda wish it could be reciprocal, but no, I don't feel sorry for myself. Wanna know who I do feel sorry for? Gay guys who have had proctocolectomies. The fact that that of course has happened to many men makes my heart go out. Mind you, if they like being top, their partner likes bottom, and they can still get erections (a portion of male ostomates can't) I guess it is something that one could get used to.

I was telling a girl I've known casually for years just a couple weeks ago about my ostomy. She was extremely concerned about the fact I had no anus. Not all because she's a prude or whatever, more because she is ultra-sexual and couldn't life fathom without anal-play on a regular basis. The ostomy to her was no big deal... not having an anus though... that was fucked up!

But back to my original question... does not having an anus make me mentally different from others? It's hard to say. A variety of unique life experiences makes me different, but you could say that for anyone. I do get a bit anal retentive sometimes, especially at work... I take things seriously and sometimes have a hard time letting something go that might not even phase someone else. None of this necessarily correlates with having no asshole.

One day when I have my laboratory, and of course, my stark white lab coat with a killer-sexy red suit on underneath and red high heels (and those hot half-glasses and my hair in a bun), I will make a point of looking into personality attributes of those who've had proctocolectomies.

I bet we all like to play with Chinese finger traps.

1 Comments:

Blogger Diego said...

"But back to my original question... does not having an anus make me mentally different from others?...One day when I have my laboratory, and of course, my stark white lab coat with a killer-sexy red suit on underneath and red high heels" --- I think that would make an interesting experiment. In fact, I think we should make an art piece out of it.

3:18 PM, September 11, 2006

 

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